I Hate Myself For Loving You
by dean-winchester-is-our-king
Summary: SET AFTER 9X03 - Dean is getting emotional over Castiel's activities as a newly human.


Sam knew things were bad when he heard "I Hate Myself For Loving You" for the fifth time that afternoon. Of course Dean would make a huge buzz, that the ex angel finally had sex. Even though Sam knew his brother was pissed and felt betrayed, he didn't understood why. He should have seen that coming. Castiel was a beautiful human now, of course he'd attract the opposite sex -even that his first time was with a reaper who almost killed him. Sam had seen Dean being with several women and Castiel was perfectly consent with that I mean… Dean was acting like his friend, right? Friends congratulate friends whenever they get laid for the first time. They obviously don't make a fuss about it by listening to Joan Jett and drinking boose.

Sam slowly opened Dean's door and slid in. There were 10 beer bottles on the floor near the bed while an eleventh was on Dean's hand, who was dancing around at the song's rhythm, completely drunk and unconscious.

Sam rolled his eyes and walked over him. "Dean?! The music is too loud, don't you think?" He yelled, trying to make his brother listen to him. Dean turned to look at Sam, smiling widely and hugging him, pulling him down to his height. "Sammyyy! Grab a beer. Dance with mee!" He giggled as he dragged Sam to dance. Sam rolled his eyes. "Dude you hear JJ since 4pm. What's wrong?" Sam sighed internally. He knew exactly what was bothering Dean.

Dean just ignored him and started to dance again. Sam decided to let it go and walked outside, the moment Cas decided to approach Dean's room. He had a confused cute face, looking up at Sam. Sam shrugged and pointed at the door before he headed away.

Castiel blushes as he knocks the door once. Not an answer. He knocked then twice. After a few pointless knocks he pushed the door and walked in, adjusting at the mess of the empty bottles and his drunk… friend. Castiel locked his eyes on Dean's body while he danced, the drunk human ignorant of the former angel entering the door.

When Castiel was turned a human, he felt a rush of new and strange feelings. Hunger and thirst but also anger and confusion and hurt. And when he met Dean again… Lust. The moment Dean entered the room into the reaper's home, Castiel felt a strange little fire pooling into him and the burn of the angel blade deep in his guts. He couldn't understand his feelings towards Dean but now… Now he knew. He wanted Dean. He needed him. Underneath him, on top of him, in any standing or laying position his innocent mind could make up.

Suddenly, music stopped and Cas snapped out of his trance. Dean had finally realised Castiel was there. And staring.

"Wha' you doin' 'ere?" he said slurry, his eyes a bit unfocused. Castiel approached him, took the bottle off of Dean's hand and frowned. "What the hell Dean? Why are you hearing to hard rock music, a song which talks about broken hearts and drinking alcohol?"

Dean laughed, his head thrown back before he stumbled over the bed and collapsed. "Because - because a fucker I thought he loved me betrayed me. They fucked with some.. Chick that killed them!" He said, smiling and crying at the same time. Castiel sighed and walked over the bed, sitting down next to him.

"Can I help you, somehow?" He asked softly.

Dean huffed. "No" he groaned. "I don't want you here. Why don't you go to your precious April huh? I bet she's dying to meet you - oh I forgot. I killed her myself" he grinned and looked away.

Castiel frowned, confused. "How April is related with your broken heart and - Oh" he suddenly realised. "Dean I.."

Dean didn't looked at him. Castiel sighed and held his left shoulder, like he always did. "The fucker you thought he loved you… he does. He never stopped" he whispered.

Dean turned and looked at him, expression unrecognizable. Then, his face turned into a cynical mask. "You don't hurt the people you love, Cas. You say you.. Love me. How could you go and… Fuck another person? And then come and rub it to my face, being all smug and proud about it?"

Castiel stood on his knees, hovering above Dean, angry and terrifying. "Listen to me, Dean Winchester - you are the fucker. You screwed my sister and then kissed her in front of me. You always remind us how a big of a man you're. So shut your fucking mouth, because you're fuckin' wrong. I had sex with a woman, so? I never got mad at you, because I respected the fact you are a man and alone, nothing was attaching you with me. And you had so much sex in your life, Dean! So cut it off, because it was nothing."

Dean was looking at the angel during his speech, wide eyed. He gulped down half a bottle of water to sober himself a bit faster before he cleared his throat.

"If you put this so.." He grabbed Cas' wrists and pulled him closer.

Castiel grinned a little and leaned a bit closer. "Fuck you, Dean Winchester" he whispered, claiming Dean's lips and pushing him to bed.

When Dean started to protest, Cas shushed him. "For Father's shake, Dean. Shut up.."

* * *

An hour and a half later, Sam passed through Dean's room. Nothing was heard except hard rock music, songs related to sex and deep throaty moans like " _God yes!"_ and _"Dean, stop referring to my Father during sexual intercourse!"_ and lots of giggles. The younger Winchester walked away immediately, heading to the library.


End file.
